"Enter Back
into the Presence of the Priesthood"
Today I felt a spirit of brotherhood.
A few of my brothers from God's priesthood
felt my real love, while I felt theirs.
All of us could feel our dear Savior's.
Now my council of Love I can start.
Each man has a prayer within his heart,
they might assist some truth to impart.
Each asked God's message to enter their hearts.
At judgment's first council I missed loves turn.
Beloved leaders can now help me learn
Baptism's request was sent to Salt Lake.
Instructions came. My seat I now take.
I humbly ask God's spirit to help
as from inside I poured out what I felt
My heart was bursting with glad emotion.
Spiritual joy brought tears. I felt God's Son.
He has offered to take away my sins
cheering results that really are His.
I began, '“I'm an addict of these deeds.”
I'm an example of where it can lead.
When pornography enters my life,
it hooks Tim to Satan's evil laugh.
Lust overpowers me. I am helpless
without my Savior giving serene bliss.
Excommunicated, feeling alone,
reading my words of what life has shown,
of missing participation in church.
Read my words, a poet’s sad search.
I paused several times but strength was there.
While choking back tears I went on without fear
I felt trust though I knew only a few.
They are His servants so I felt spirit's dew.
The spirit was there! All felt it as real.
I went over what I had learned to feel
from people who have touched my life,
starting with family especially my wife
Prison was hard but I learned more of sharing,
and friendship that allowed for trust and caring.
I had not known that my will could bend.
but now am free to be Christ's friend.
Unconditional Love slowly became relief.
I lacked faith, words alone are not belief
My God has been to vengeful to give repentance
I would not trust, only knowing His vengeance
Then I learned to separate the hideous sin
from the human soul God can bring in
God sent us down to this earth to learn.
Sorrow and sin can be just teaching ferns
if we can use mortality's hurting
a positive sweet joy is soon coming
Christ lets us know, He is a best friend now
His love can enrich, support, and endow.
In a new place, caring friends I have found,
a 12 step program, understanding profound.
Not just meetings, but phone numbers to call,
support in time to prevent the grave fall.
A sponsor is found whose feelings and fears
are similar to my own avoiding of tears
worshipping of self love and paying the fee
in Satan's realm of sexual fantasy.
Last but far from least come church friends
too numerous to mention. God tends
those in my ward. “It's my ward,” I chant.
I'm not a member. Is that significant?
Bart, Jack, Able, Dave, feeling friendship's steeple.
Amulek, Sally, Molly, more than just people.
Two good brothers, after a call on the phone,
gave Priesthood blessings in my mentor's home
Dear Bart has lost much because of a stroke.
He does not talk or write now to folks.
His soul and his gestures touch my heart
other hearts also open to accept my part.
My life story to me seems jumbled
perhaps that fits how I have stumbled
through life without submitting to God's will.
But I trust. He is guiding, his voice so still.
I was scared when the Stake President
requested that the vile details I vent
on the tender ears of these righteous men.
When I'm honest, words cannot be softened.
I live in a new reality. I don't need fantasy.
Reality is not always fun. I don't enjoy plea's
and questions coming from the High Council
But to help decide they are responsible.
Feeling their care does not lessen the effect.
I want to run. There's effort in being direct.
I don't want this grave responsibility
to give information they feel is key.
How often tempted? Other victims? Gay?
Does family know where boundaries lay?
Does God remove danger to future victims?
Questions were direct about my actions.
I pause to be sure of myself. Am I honest?
Part of a question must be again sent
I feel the natural man seek avoidance.
I do submit though seeking God's right stance.
President Alma goes to the scriptures.
He reads. I fight pride, a return to tears.
"Bridle-- passions that ye may be filled with love."
Clinging, a 12 step idea, prayer reaches above.
My Savior if I listen tells me what's right.
Often I must patiently wait and fight
my own self will, for my way is seldom his.
It's different here. I want lust's passionate kiss.
This is God's anointed. I will be cautious.
I must submit until the spirit tells otherwise.
I am asked to include my children and wife.
Again from them, I find help through the strife.
I am asked to leave while the Priesthood
deliberates what will be my future good.
I am grateful. I call a family who stayed.
My life they're asked in letters to appraise.
I am greeted with a beautiful girl's smile.
I hurry to the phone and ask family to file
to an appointment with Gods servant
three hours away. They are willing, content.
I have copied to reside during my future,
words pondered while I was out, a scripture.
It's in a daily plan book next to my blessing,
my dailies, and other scripture witnessing.
I tell the girl she has a pretty smile.
She did not know that in my mind's tile,
she was such a feeling, good tower,
a child of God, willing to wait an hour
Patiently waiting to before her mission
have her own sweet interview run.
It was a so much better thought's wren
than the sex object she would have once been.
We end our chat while brethren deliberate
when I return inside to gladly face my fate
First Presidency review, then washed sins.
With love they recommend rebaptism.
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Recovery Fox